From the Adam and Joe radio show on Saturday (9th)… This is a brilliant email a 13-year-old girl wrote to her parents shortly before her birthday (it’s even funnier when read by Adam).

“If you want to spend your money wisely, I suggest you stick to this list and DO NOT buy anything other than the items on it, unless you see something which I may like, in which case ask me first or don’t get it at all:

Rhianna tickets, must be at least two, one for me and a friend.
A nice dress, like my grey American Apparel one but sleeveless.
Pretty summery top, NOT a shirt, NOT a tee, must be pretty, show me what it looks like first.
Earrings. They must not be my main present, though.
Bikini. I must try these on, and recommend to you one so be patient for links.
Pants from Topshop (very small present).
No piece of jewellery to be my main present, as it’s small and I don’t wear jewellery.
Make-up, possibly some foundation but I must recommend the colour, brand, style and type.
Spare money? Always acceptable.
For someone to paint my wooden desk for me, however this must be done well and cannot be my only present from this person.
To be allowed to have the whole cupboards and put the towels etc in the chest of drawers in my room, and move that into the spare room.
No books (unless requested).
Fish, must include tank. Automatic water cleaner, two pretty fish and decorations for inside.

This is pretty much everything. Stick to this list and I’ll be happy in the morning. To make me as happy as possible, you’ll need to buy me at least three of my most desired things (coloured in red).”